Another new season

It's that time of year again. September. The return of the masses at work. The start of new and returning TV shows. New bible study at church. A new bible study soon for my home group. Practically the start of the holiday season. And soon the start of another year of my life. This is the big one, I guess. 30. It often seems like such a huge deal for people, and I'm sure when I was young 30 seemed really, really old. But now it just feels like another year. I've been looking forward to my 30s for some time now, actually. Sure, I don't have the things I thought I wanted by the time I got to 30 - a husband, a family, etc. But I do feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. Maybe I don't have a husband, but I do have a family of my own making, the people close to me who are sometimes even better than family because I chose them. So I want to celebrate them.

To Millie: She calls us her angels, but she's our angel too and I'm thankful for the time we have with her.

To my roomie Paula: I know we both get cranky sometimes, but overall we have a lot of fun and still manage to have meaningful conversations every now and then. ;) May that continue in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead as we continue on this path God has laid out for us.

To Marco, who somehow manages to be a combination of the little brother I never had and the big brother I didn't get to grow up with, who makes me laugh even when he's bugging me. Who can lead us to God in worship one minute and crack me up with the dumbest joke ever the next. How do you do it?

To Alli, who is exactly 51 weeks younger than me, but always makes me feel like I'm hanging out with the cool older sister who has a lot of fun and makes me laugh, but also knows so much and shares that wisdom with me as well. Hanging with Alli is a growing experience for me, and I'm very thankful for that blessing.

To Selena and Cheryl, who I'm just starting to really get to know. I look forward to going deeper together in bible study. I already know you're super fun to hang out with. Now we'll get to know each other on another level.

To Mel. I don't really have words, just a feeling in my gut that God has put you in my life for a very good reason (as He does with everything) and that it is a blessing for both of us. I look forward to that.

To Raquel and Mo, even though I don't see you much anymore, I think about you often and pray that you are well. We need to hang out more.

To Moriah, who teaches me to look at myself with more love and less criticism. I struggle, but I think some of it is sinking in finally.

And last, but never least, to Jen. My longest friendship. My best friend since high school, my best friend always. We've had some great times. We've had some rough times. You've been there for me when I really needed someone to talk to about all the craziness (you still are!) and I hope I've been able to give you support too. There are miles between us, but we are close in spirit (and online :) ). Through everything I think we've both grown up, grown closer to God and closer to each other. In my life full of broken relationships, I have you to remind me that I can do it. For that I am most grateful of all.

I love you all! Happy new season. May it be one full of love and laughter and growth. I look forward to meeting and getting to know new people, and expanding my little, crazy, God-made (and Elizabeth-stirred) family.

August Mileage Update

Look at me, back so soon. :) Now that I have my log, I can tell you that I did 27 miles in August. That's not too bad. My new mileage total is 257.25 of 300. Getting there! Gotta run, things to do and all that jazz. Ciao for now! xoxo

August Book Update

Hi all! I don't have my workout log with me right now, so I can only do a book update. I figure it's better than nothing, because I might forget to do both if I wait. I managed to get through five books this month! I'm impressed, considering how busy and tired I've been. Go me. What did I read? (Thank goodness for Goodreads and Shelfari, or I would never remember any of this!)

1421: The Year China Discovered America 

A very interesting book, if a little difficult for me to get through. I thought it was well written, but a little too defensive, I guess. Maybe it's just because the author isn't technically an historian, or because he wanted to reach a wider audience, so he felt the need to write in a way that was just a little too... something for my taste. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but it kind of got on my nerves. Other than that I really enjoyed it and I learned quite a bit.

In the Shadow of the Ark

Honestly, I'm not sure I liked this book very much, but I can't really put my finger on why. The story was OK, I guess, but I had a really hard time getting into it and considered stopping through basically the entire book. I made it to the end, and I was glad when it was over. That's all I have to say about that.

The Mortal Instruments Book 1: City of Bones

This is the first book in a series, as I'm sure you can tell. I've said it before: I love a good series. I have read this book before, but it had been awhile so I reread it and I enjoyed it. I like the plot and the characters, though every now and then there are things that just make me roll my eyes. Overall, though, a good read for me.

The Mortal Instruments Book 2: City of Ashes

I hadn't read this one before. I enjoyed it so much that I went out and bought the fourth book in the series (in hardback, gasp!), which I am currently reading, before I even got to the third book. Unlike Twilight, I actually like the heroine of these books because she doesn't seem as weak or stupid as Bella Swan. She's very headstrong and stubborn, and quite rash, though, which definitely gets her into trouble and irritates me sometimes, but overall not a terrible character.

The Mortal Instruments Book 3: City of Glass

Ah book 3! Finally wrapped up some threads that were beginning to irritate me. Things that I saw coming from the first book that I felt were being dragged out in a somewhat contrived manner (won't spoil what here, in case someone wants to read the books), though I've seen similar things done in much more annoying ways in other books and TV shows and movies, so whatever. But I did feel relieved and had to set the book down and say, "Finally!" when certain things were revealed. Phew. It felt like it took forever, but it really wasn't that bad. And I immediately began the fourth book when I finished this one, so obviously I enjoyed it. :D

So that brings my new total to 34 of 40. Almost there! I'll try to get my mileage update done soon, when I remember to have my log with me. Ta for now. xoxo

July Goal Update

I'm actually getting one done on time. Amazing. So, on with it before I get distracted.

Walk/run goal: 35.5 miles. Not too shabby. I can do better, but I'm still quite pleased with that number. Bringing my new total to 230.25 of 300 miles. I'm well on my way to that goal. :D

Books: 0. I'm still on a book I started back in June. I've been distracted and not in a reading mood, which doesn't happen very often for me. So my total here continues to be 29 of 40 books. Oh well, I can't do it all all the time. That's life. Let's see if I can make up for some of that this month!

Awesomest surprise ever!

Look who showed up at my office yesterday afternoon!

Totally made my day. And just when I really needed it too. :D

June Goal Update

Walk/run goal: 20 miles. I've done better, but I've also done worse, so I'm cool with that. That brings me to 194.75 of 300 miles.

Books: I read 4 books in June (Back When We Were Grownups, Queen of the Oddballs, Mr. Timothy, and Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist). So that's 29 of 40 books.

A quiet moment

I guess I'm feeling introspective at the moment. A little melancholy maybe. That's not the word I want. Wistful? Longing? I don't know. There are so many things I've always wanted in my life that I don't have (yet) and sometimes it catches up to me and I wonder. Maybe I won't have them. Maybe it's not part of the plan for me. I don't know. I'm not sad exactly, just contemplating how things could be different, the path I have followed and where I'm going. I don't know what my future holds, or if I will get all the things I long to have. Listening to the radio this morning they played a song I needed to hear, just to remind me. I get those a lot. So I'm going to share here.

It has taken me a long to time to reach the place I'm in now. Knowing how much I'm loved by God and knowing ultimately that's all I need. No one can give me what He gives me. He is the only one who will never let me down.

I have a good life. I love my life, I really do. I enjoy being relatively free of responsibilities and having some of my burdens shared. Having a roommate is working out well for me. Maybe this is unusual, but we have fun and talk about all kinds of things. I have someone there to support me and keep me accountable. It's good. Is this where I pictured myself at almost 30? No, but that doesn't make it bad. Still, I have moments when I wish... I don't even know. That I were further along in my journey? That I were ready for the things I've always wanted? Maybe.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

But are the desires of my heart what they should be? I don't believe they will be fulfilled if they are not in line with God's purpose. I also believe that if it is not in His plan, He will remove the desire from my heart, so that makes me think that one day, whenever that may be, I'll be ready. I just hate that it feels so difficult and never ending sometimes. I began praying a little while ago that He would remove the things that I have held higher than Him in my heart. Scary. But I don't want anything in the way, no matter how much I might feel like I do. That's just a lie to hold me back, and I don't want to hold on to it. I know God has so many things for me if I will only let go of the old things so I can receive His blessings.

Several weeks ago, my roomie and I went to church on Sunday so we could be in the service (we often miss the service on Saturdays because we volunteer in the nursery). After service we had this incredible prayer time with two of our friends. Just the four of us in a side room praying over each other and crying - like, we need extra boxes of tissue crying. It was intense and emotional and amazing. I was sobbing listening to my friend pray over me. I knew what she said came straight from God because there was no other way for her to know those things. And I carry that prayer with me and hold it tight, knowing He will fulfill his promises. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Someday, someday, I will be ready. I won't be fully healed and whole in this life, not until I go home to be with Jesus, but I have hope that there will be a time that I will receive the blessings God has for me to enjoy here.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13 

For now I just keep holding on to the hope I have in the Lord, that He will continue to heal me from the inside out so I can be who He created me to be. And when I'm ready, He will place me where I need to be to receive the things I long for in the deepest part of my heart. They don't need to be spoken; He knows them. But I still pray for them every day. And pray that He continues to work in me to move and grow; to reach out and share the love He has given me.